I can't remember the last time I wrote here. Every day since 9/06 has just merged into the other like waves coming in to the shore, each overlapping the other over and over again in a gorgeous, rhythmic cycle. One day I was relaxing and chilling down by the NJ shore, and the next, I was back at work, completely overwhelmed by the crush of calls coming in that I couldn't keep up with and still can't. I am trying, though, but it is really hard. I am so busy I really don't know what to do with myself. The sweet relief vacation brought me from August 27th through September 5th is completely gone now. I wish I had it back - it was such a beautiful respite from the madness I face at work on a daily basis! I thought - naively -that when I got older my professional life would simmer down and I could take a "chill pill", but alas, my darlings, this is not the case. RATS!  So much for my quiet fantasy! I do enjoy the stimulation though; I just wish I had a damn CLONE (or two, three, four, five...thousand)  of myself to do all the work!!!! LOL 

I sound depressed but I am not. I just have never been this busy at work as I am now. Our college is getting an incredible amount of attention from the television and film industry and because I am the primary contact for their usage of our campus,  I am COMPLETELY inundated with calls for shoots. When I first got to the college 10 years ago if I got two calls a year for a shoot that was A LOT. This year? I have received over 50 calls. While it's great for the campus and does bring in some revenue for us, it is a tremendous amount of work for me personally. People think this is easy -- "Ahh,  it's no big deal...just a couple of calls, right?" Unfortunately, WRONG!!!  The sheer volume of detail work is UTTERLY INSANE.

Let me illustrate it for you so you get an accurate picture of what these shoots involve on a daily basis (of course, eliminating the scheduling conflicts and cancellations that occur therein, but factor them in your mind anyway):

There are location, director, and tech scouts that have to be arranged; contracts have to be negotiated, written and signed off on;  parking arrangements and traffic flow has to be decided upon and carefully scheduled so as not to impact upon regular college activities. There are holding areas for extras that have to be reserved, food services arrangements to be made, and there are always things that come up and need to be troubleshooted. And of course, there is accounting work that has to be done, such as check deposits for their location fees and overtime expenditure fees for staff who worked the shoot. Add to this the niggling, annoying staff (faculty, staff and students included therein) who want a piece of the pie. "Can I meet the Director...the stars....?" Can you get me an autograph...?" "Can you do....?" etc., etc., ad nauseum. I am, of course, always and consistently polite about it, but it DOES get annoying sometimes, especially when I am trying to resolve an issue or issues that arise with these shoots.  Imagine for one minute this: for one shoot alone I have 132 emails going to and from assorted location people and college staff. 132 emails!!!! I have lost track of the calls I have received for it --since October 2004 when this first came up...probably well over 200. That's a lot of work for one little cog in the proverbial wheel.

Add to this the OTHER work I have to do but can't completely address, like bids for equipment needed for next year's Commencement activities. Planning NOW for June's Commencement, you ask? Yes. I have to, otherwise we won't have what we need for that special day. There are other large-scale college events I have to plan for this fall. I am on so many committees for these things I really get behind the 8 ball when I go to them. The calls keep coming in endlessly! I send my Assistant Director to some of them, or keep her in the office to manage everything else, but for two people the sheer volume of work is monumentally overwhelming.  We don't have a secretary to help us, though I am working on that now with my bosses. We have a student aide who assists us with deliveries and computer database work from 9-12 each day. He is wonderful, but we need more help.   

Am I frustrated or angry with all of this? No. I just am worn down --excited yes, because of the interest; but definitely exhausted because of the sheer volume of activities taking place there from internal and external groups.  I think my bosses are "getting it" that my Assistant Director and I are not just "paper pushers", a moniker I had heard was assigned to us a few months ago. A stupid moniker, yes, but I am not angered by it. Until someone sits in our seats it really IS hard to imagine what goes on here. The good news is that we have the full support of the college president.

Beyond that, Dream and I are busy changing our own lives. Over the summer we decided to finally sell our beautiful house and "downsize". I never thought I would leave this place, but the house is far too huge for the two of us and our 8 cats and cleaning it is a time consuming and exhausting chore. I think we spend most weekends busting our asses doing it. This is not what weekends are intended for, right?!! Of course not, but it is in our case. We are both exhausted from the work involved in maintaining this place. It is too much.

We decided to do this because of several reasons:

1. Dream moved into this house and we never had a chance to actually "nest" together, as most couples do. He has done an amazing amount of work here, but still feels as if the house is mine rather than ours. Technically it was mine; I bought it in 1996 after my divorce, even though Dream's name is now on the deed. We need something that is ours, and that is important for both of us.

2. My knees are shot to hell. I have severe arthritis in both knees and it is becoming more and more difficult for me to do these steps every single day, up and down, down and up. I also have a load of steps to deal with at work since my office is on the third floor of a very old building, and combined with the house and driving 3 hours a day to and from work, my knees are a MESS. I have been going for physical therapy for a month and half to strengthen them (and will continue with it through October) so that I can head off the eventual reality that both knees will have to be surgically replaced.

3. The house is a whopping financial drain for us. It is a very old place, and though beautiful in its details, old houses ALWAYS have problems of some sort. We just don't have the money to keep throwing into it.

Leaving saddens me, actually. I love this place because it is SO me and became SO US. I had lots of my own dreams fulfilled here and leaving it hurts at my core. I know we have to do it, but it does create a lot of emotions in me. Last Sunday the real estate agent had scheduled an "open house" for all realtors and interested buyers to attend. Saturday, while I was finishing my share of the clean up/prep work for the open house, all I did was cry on and off throughout the day. I felt bad for Dream because my tears made him feel guilty about wanting us to sell the place, but I told him I will get over it. I am just "processing" my emotions. I will land on my feet as I always do, but in the interim period I know my emotions will rise and fall. Once we find another place to live I think my emotions will stabilize more and I will cope with all this better. Everything is the "unknown" now and because I like control (Okay, I LOVE CONTROL, but am learning to loosen up the reins!) I need to know where we are going and when. I guess I should just let things unfold.

Soon I will be celebrating my 50th birthday. Dream is throwing a huge party for me on October 29th (my birthday is actually 11/01) and I can't wait. It should be fun. I am actually looking forward to this milestone event in my life (Dream's 50th birthday follows mine on 2/21, so I have to plan a grand fete for him as well!) and am no longer depressed by the realities of aging. I feel, finally, confident in myself and the things I have accomplished in this life and look forward to new growth and new avenues towards change. Last year I was so depressed by it I wanted to cry every day; this year I feel ALIVE,

It's all good.

Love to all who read.