I know you are probably wondering why someone would even write about their cat on their blog, but I must, because I now face the real possibility of having to put down my favorite cat of all of our 8 furry babies. Dinero, my sweet love, my best boy, my alarm clock cat, my sweetheart...has ISSUES with a capital I.

I got Dinero almost exactly ten years ago after I had moved to Westchester County when I got separated in 1995. I got him (or rather he got me --Yes, he PICKED me in the Pet Store that day I visited and we fell instantly in love) to keep my older cat, Chili Bean, company while I went to work. Dinero was utterly adorable and such a personality it was hard to resist him. He was vitally ALIVE, friendly and sweet and we became fast friends. He was my sleeping companion then, as he is now, although it is much more crowded with Dream, and 5 or 6 other cats sharing the bed with me, with the exception of Chili who sleeps downstairs. Chili hated him instantly and she didn't speak to me for a year. I am not kidding -- underneath her fur Chili is a person and she glared at me, or walked away from me as if she were saying "Harrrumph! I don't approve!" She didn't, but eventually she got over it and the two of them became close friends.   We lived happily ever after.

When Dream moved in he brought Love Muffin, his adorable little Maine Coon girlie (I sound sick in the head, I know) and Dinero fell for her. They became boyfriend and girlfriend, minus the sexual activities. They were always together, grooming each other and curled up in fur piles. It was, of course, cute and irresistable watching the two of them, even though I was completely overwhelmed by having 3 cats. Two was enough!  Chili was as she always was --annoyed but she grew to tolerate her. Muffin was smart enough to stay away, and she and Dinero hung out together, sort of like a couple. Had they not both been spayed or neutered their kittens would have been gorgeous.

When Dream and I married, or right before it actually, he had picked up two more kittens, a male he named Checkers because of his coloring, and a female named Snowball, because she was pure white and possessed the face and blue eyes of her Siamese father. Later, she would become mottled in coloring, reminiscent of her Tortoiseshell mother. She and Checkers adored Dinero and Muffin (who was sort of the mother figure to these two cats) and they all hung out together. Because my life was so completely nuts at that time --meeting Dream online in March 2000 and marrying that September, I forgot to get them spayed and neutered, and lo and behold, a year later, just before the awful events of 911 - in fact it was Labor Day weekend, the "deed" was done and Snowball was pregnant. On November 4th 2001, 3 adorable kittens were born on our bed while I was asleep (Dream presided at the birth); 2 females and a male. We named the girls Spaz (because she is "out there"),  and Shadow Dancer, and the male was named Ginger because of his orange and white coloring. We were one very big happy family. I couldn't give the kittens away though now, in hindsight, I should have. Everyone was neutered and spayed immediately, thank god.

 Chili was annoyed, but she had learned to accept everyone and steer clear of them all. Dinero was fine for a while; that is until Ginger matured and became one very HUGE cat  with an Alpha male personality exactly like his own. Ginger's dad, Checkers, was not an Alpha cat and he just was mellow...he went with the flow.   But Dinero and Ginger would go at it...hissing, growling and tormenting one another. I am not sure if Ginger was merely playing and learning the ropes of "catdom" but something happened between the two of them, and it has become a quiet, scary war. Naturally, if Ginger and Dinero have an issue, Gingers parents and two sisters surround Dinero  to protect their son and brother. Nothing happens, but the tension is bad.

Dinero is monumentally angry, stressed and upset, which is understandable. This is IS house and this young interlopper is creating havoc in his life. His reaction? He is urine marking everything..walls, computers, clothing...anything on a vertical surface really. Lately he is peeing ON horizontal furniture, like coffee tables and end tables. I could go on.  We are freaking. We try to keep up with the cleaning (which is especially important now that we are trying to sell the house) but it is endless...there is pee everywhere. What is amazing is that for the most part it doesn't smell (ironic with 8 cats), but when he hits areas we aren't aware of it is bad.

I took Dinero to the vet Thursday to see what is going on.  The MD is treating him first with antibiotics to make sure there isn't an infection, but he does suspect that it is because of Ginger and the stress Dinero has because of him. Already this morning, even with the antibiotics, he has peed on horizontal surfaces (normally marking behavior is on vertical surfaces) --our coffee table and Dreams laptop computer case, and in the bathroom, as well. I was so hoping that maybe the drugs would help, but I am not so sure. I have to call the vet Monday to tell him what is going on, and still continue with the antibiotics. Next on the list of things to do is to perhaps put Dinero on antianxiety drugs, which may help but that isn't a guarantee. And after that, if all else fails, I know I have to have him put down. The thought makes me feel sick and guilty, but it may have to be done.

You have no idea how much I love this cat. I know it sounds crazy and sick, but my cats really are my children simply because I never could have children of my own. When Snowball was pregnant and would sit on my hands (if I was lying on the couch) I could feel her kittens kicking and moving about. It was the closest thing I would ever come to feeling what it would be like to carry a baby. I am crying now, because that is so true... a feeling I have never known, and certainly never will, not at this point as I approach 50. So putting him down means, to me at least, that I am killing one of my own.

Maybe he is sick and we don't know it. Maybe that is what all of this is and it is compounded by behavioral problems. Maybe, at 10, he has lost a piece of his mind and is simply senile or maybe just nuts, and it makes me sad...he is such an integral part of the family.

What is sad for me is that I can't reach him psychologically. I know you are saying "Sweet Pea, he is a cat and doesn't understand you." But that isn't true. In my experience, and especially with Chili,  I know it is possible to have an innate communication with animals. I have communicated with her psychically and by talking to her.  Once, several years ago, she was getting very thin and acting out all over the place. I told her that I was considering putting her down, but that I didn't want to do it. I needed her to calm down and just chill out, to relax...to try to eat her dinner and not be so mean. An hour after I said that, she climbed into my lap and purred. And that night, for the first time in 10 years, she slept with me. Since that day she has gained weight and is calmer. Call me nuts, but I believe it is possible to communicate with them.

 Dinero, on the other hand, is less of a person than she is, and definitely more of a cat. In the wild that sweet boy would be a fierce hunter and he would be the lead cat for sure. Communicating with him is difficult. He doesn't hear me really, and it frustrates me.

And so, this is my sad tale of woe. I adore him, but maybe it is coming to the end...an end which will break my heart more than anyone knows.