Life is, as they say, what you make of it. I have always been a firm believer in creating my own destiny, and  I have been able to do this for most of my life. It comes from a different place than most people -  I have psychic abilities and could always sense things that were to come or I could project myself into my future -- somehow I had an uncanny ability to know what I was going to do with my life. I had premonitions of where I would work, what I would do, how far it would take me, who I would marry. When I was 17 and entering college, a voice in my head said "you will work for a University system in New York". The voice sounded like my own internal voice, but it wasn't - it was different, older, wiser...another entity within me, or maybe not. By the time I was 21 I was working for the University - and it was NOT something I went after --it just came to me. Each time I married I knew that I would marry that person. With my first husband I knew I would marry him, and the voice said "this man will change your life like no other". Boy, ain't that the truth. He turned my life upside down and inside out like no other, and he did hurt me, but he taught me much about myself, and that experience took me on my journey towards meeting Dream Dragon. I thank my first husband for teaching me what I needed to know, and for creating the path I needed to walk to meet Dream. When I met him on line 5 years ago, the voice within said "you have met your soul mate." Against my practical, guarded native New Yorker mindset, I responded to the filtered email I received from him through the dating site we were on, and less than 6 months later we were married. My friends, some of whom I no longer speak to, and some members of my family as well, thought I had lost my marbles. I knew better, and we have never been happier. We have our problems but that is the nature of life.

Sadly though, this gift has brought some sadness to my life. At the age of 16 while sitting in the dining room of our house in New York City and playing with my Golden Labrador mutt, Sandy, I suddenly started to cry. My mother, who was in the adjacent kitchen at the time, asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't tell her. The voice within said "your mother and your dog will die soon." I was despondent when I heard this. I knew it was true. 3 years later they both were dead. I was 19. I told no one.

Another time, in the mid 1980's - during my first marriage - I had the day off and was wandering about New York City, in the vicinity of 59th Street and Park Avenue. I loved New York - - it was my place of birth and I had lived there forever. The city was this amazing life force and I thrived on this energy, this vitality --even with all the problems, the crowds, the dirt, the fumes, the crime - I adored it. Anyway, I was thoroughly enjoying this gloriously warm and sunny March day; enjoying my alone time and my freedom from my marital problems, when all of a sudden this horrible premonition began to play in my mind's eye. I recall looking up at the skyscrapers above me, marvelling at their beauty, the sun sparkling against the windows - I saw these buildings many times before but it was as if this was the first time for me, as if I were a tourist visiting NY for the first time. And then this vision began to take shape before me -   I remember seeing a vision of buildings exploding, red flames and black smoke billowing from above, glass and bodies falling from the sky, people running and screaming for their lives .....and the voice said "one day this will happen here". I was terrified. I told my first husband about this and he said I was crazy. It was a thought that never left me, a worry I had for many, many years....

 During the years we lived together out in Queens near the beach and a few scant miles from JFK airport, I used to worry about planes crashing in our neighborhood (Belle Harbor) as we were right in the flight path to the airport. I knew one day something would happen there..but when...that I didn't know. And then 911 happened. And then the horrible plane crash that happened two months later, the one on its way to the Dominican Republic that exploded over..Belle Harbor...right around the corner from where I used to live with my ex husband.  I was in shock. I wondered how I knew. And why. I was depressed, scared and silent. I told no one, until now.

But those visions have stopped for me. I am not sure why this is so. Maybe I am just so overloaded in life I can't access that part of myself. I have no idea what my future will be, what I will do in my retirement, what Dream and I will do together. And it scares me. Knocks me off my feet because it feels like I lost something - this gift, this guide that I always had. I wonder where it went and why. If, after 911 and the Belle Harbor plane crash I was so shocked by it all I have blocked my gift and my talent. I don't know.

I need it to return...